I just want to not hurt anymore. i've been to the doctors and all they say is i can't do anything for you. so they give me pills of all sorts and i just get cranky and irritated. i'm just sick of it. i hate doing stuff because it hurts. but i hate sitting around not doing anything too. i'm tired of not having friends. i'm such a loser. none of my friends stick around. so i'm usually always alone. i have my baby daddy and thats it. and i'm getting sick of him again. hes fucking living with me again, and he makes me feel guilty about doing anything. and its frustrating. its like dood, you came into my house, and now you control everything? fuck. why did i breed with him. why did i do anything. why was i born. no one wants me around. my kid doesnt even like me. i get that hes still a toddler, but fuck man. i don't know how much more of his meanness i can take. everytime he sees me, he slaps, hits, bites, pulls my hair, pinches or anything. hes always mean to me, and i can't take it. i feel like i'm going to lose my mind. i wish i could. i just want out of the life i started to create for myself, its awful and i hate it, i've tried and tried to make it better, but every fucking time i try to make it better it just gets worse. i'm almost to the point. of why even try? if i'm just gonna get knocked on my ass again. i'm just so tired. i never really get to get a good sleep. my bed sucks. i hate being broke all the time. i just want to get away. i want to run away from everything and just forget everything and everyone and just be alone. go up to the mountains and just take pictures. live until i get too hungry to live then just let whatever happens happen. i'm just so miserable. i never get to get away from here. no one baby sits even though everyone said they would. i hate everything right now. i don't know what i'm going to do.
